The Science of Self-Evaluations - When I Grow Up

The Science of Self-Evaluations - When I Grow Up If  Danielle Euzent  isnt smart enough as a stylist, shes now showing us what shes learning in her social psychology class. It not only has to do with dressing ourselves, but for the Vampire Voices that sabotage us all. And if I call BS on your overly-critical self evaluations isnt the biggest tweetable ever, then nothing is. Because I am a big fan of life-long learning (and over-exerting myself), I am taking a free social psychology class from Wesleyan through Coursera.   I took it for no particular reason, but at a mere two weeks in I pleased with the amount of information we have covered that is directly applicable to the world of Styling Real People.   Two closely-related concepts that I know will resonate strongly with everyone I have ever worked with (or ever will work with) are the “Spotlight Effect” and the “Illusion of Transparency”. The Spotlight Effect is when you think that people are paying more attention to your appearance and behavior than they actually are.   I can’t even begin to count the number of times I have heard a client say “I don’t like this top because it shows my armpit fat”; or “I think these pants make my legs look big”.   99% of the time my response to those types of statements is “No, they don’t… They make you look like a human.”   There are exceptions where that top actually does show your armpit fat, but for the most part you are just being overly-critical of yourself and no one else will notice your flaws. When you think your concealed emotions are showing and being read by others, you are experiencing the Illusion of Transparency.   Nervous about a presentation and think everyone can tell?   They probably can’t.   Worried your date will notice your first-date jitters?   They probably won’t. (And, BTW, they are probably just as nervous as you!)   How does this relate to what you’re wearing?   Say you’re in the aforementioned fat-armpit-shirt, and you’re constantly tugging at it and worried that people are noticing your flab.   Then, in true vicious-cycle-fashion (no pun intended!), you realize how uncomfortable you are because you are in this piece of clothing and constantly worrying about what others think, that you become even more nervous.   Take a beat and realize that 1) No one even notices your armpit situation; and 2) They also probably have no idea how self-conscious and worried you are about them noticing said armpit situation. At the end of the day, yes, you probably will wear some things that are not flattering and others will notice- But that is part of life.   What is important is to realize that others are not focusing on what is wrong with you- Either in your appearance or in your behavior- And neither should you.   Stand up straight, make eye-contact, smile, and know that from now on I will be citing scientific studies when I call BS on your overly-critical self evaluations. Danielle Euzent  is a Manhattan-based wardrobe stylist who loves flexing her creative muscle by working with a variety of clients- From firefighters, to new moms, to software developers, and beyond- She loves the challenge of helping you find your unique style and making it work for your life.   She is part of Urban Darling, a wardrobe styling agency with a simple mission: We believe that everyone has the  right  to look their best, within any budget. Learning to accept what you can’t change and focusing on your assets is how we operate. Let us assist in developing your personal style that fits your life {and your body}. You’ll be   free from worrying about what to wear and focus on what really matters = YOUR LIFE.